How to: Be Sexy

My gendered subjects,

We unite today under a common cause:

In hot pursuit of ACTION.

Here are some tips that are sure to get your flame on fire when you are at da club!

1. Sing a song. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t have to be the one that’s playing!  But wait! Even more effective: wear your headphones and groove to your own rhythm.

2. Beef jerky. Be jerky. Chicks dig sudden movements. Fluidity is for hippies. Damn the hippies!

3. Giving out your number is sooooo nineties. Give out photoshopped photos of  yourself!

4. Ignore them. Show them that you really care by not saying a word. Ever.

5. Wear Axe products. They smell GREAT. Also very SUBTLE. Seven seconds of continuous spray should be good.

6. Three words: tight, white, holes.

7. Take off your shoes and massage your feet sensually while sexing your conquest with your EYES.

8. Refer to your house as the SEX DUNGEON. Whips ahoy! Oh mama!

9. Comb sheath. Carry around a comb. In a comb sheath.

You can thank me later.

Love,

Toad